**Boot the grime of this world in the crotch, dear**

Thanks to Melissa (Miss Brodotype, if ya nasty!) for this bitchin' link. I mean what better way to prepare for next week's Apollo shows than to find out which Morrissey song you are. (I must say I was rather surprised- I feel like I was the sunniest one. And anyone who knows me- c'mon that's all 4 of you that read this thing- knows that there ain't much sunny about me!)


You are "Sheila take a bow."
You know that life hurts, and you've had your share
of pain, but that doesn't mean you can't still
have a good time. You know the importance of
not dwelling on your problems. You have a
generally positive outlook, and you are a
really good friend.


Which Smiths song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

PS: If you were one of those lucky assholes who got to see the LA Wiltern shows that the Killers played at- I WANT DETAILS!!! (SOOOOO UNFAIR! They should open in NYC too!) But I can dry my eyes with the information I read on Moz's website today: Los Killers will be joining him on Lollapalooza!!! (So will Broken Social Scene, Danger Mouse, Le Tigre and so many other great bands. Dude it's like 1992 all over again! I wanna go to Lollapalooza!) Can I buy tickets today? Why haven't they announced New York dates yet?

**LIVE THROUGH THIS**

It's hard to keep your chin up sometimes when you spend a vast amount of time smoking and watching Vh1 in your pajamas because you don't really have a job and the news is so depressing that you can't watch CNN for fear of bursting into tears and not being able to get out of bed for three days so, in the hopes of keeping my spirits up I've made some decisions. After reading basically the same two stories in 4 different magazines I've decided that I am going to become the biggest fan and loudest supporter of both Big Boi and Courtney Love.

See, the most recent issues of Blender, Q, Rolling Stone and Spin have all had OutKast and Courtney stories promenently featured and none of them has any new news to offer.

In short: OutKast are basically breaking up. Andre (who made funkier, more out-there choices with his music and personal style was always my favorite.) basically says that, if it weren't for having two more outstanding OutKast projects, he and Big Boi- his childhood friend and partner- wouldn't even be in each others lives, let alone still be friends. And this is always followed by some sad quote from Big Boi about how they are brothers. Dre doesn't want to tour. Big Boi does. Dre thinks that Big Boi is just in it for the money and, though Big Boi wanted to make music together and collaborate on their separate solo albums Speakerboxx/the Love Below, Dre would only let him participate on one track on his album ("roses"). Dre wants to be an actor and with all of his new Hollywood friends he doesn't need (and I'm editorializing here, but this is the sense I've gotten from these 4 articles I've read now) his pot-smoking, meat-eating, dollar-grubbing ex-partner. And the saddest part is Big Boi's response is always, "Nah, we're still brothers. He's just difficult sometimes. I love him." It's just too pathetic. Big Boi is talented and he deserves better.

When Speakerboxxx/The Love Below came out, a friend of mine who LOVES OutKast said that he was disapointed and that Dre's half was uneven and unfinshed. But he said that he was proud of Big Boi for serving the fans and keeping it real and making good hip hop. At the time, I scoffed and said that he wasn't reaching out to the crossover audience as well as Dre and was not as skilled an experimentor. But now....I vow to be the biggest Big Boi fan ever. He does serve OutKast's fans- which is more than I can say of Andre- and he makes amazing hip hop. He worked hard for OutKast's success- as hard as Dre did- and there is nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy and capitalize on it. And, frankly, he deserves better than the treatment Andre is giving him in the press. I vow to learn to love Speakerboxxx, not out of pity, but because he's worked to deserve my (and your, and the press') respect. He's the best. Besides, though it's funny to hear grown men sing the word POO, the best part of "Roses" is Big Boi's rap. He has a wam, yet biting flow and when he raps things like, "I wanna see your support bra, not support you," it is ten times more clever than singing that your shit don't stink.

As for Courtney, I'm as guilty as anyone for watching her like she's a bad car accident. I've believed the hype: she's fucked up, she's unfit, she's crazy. All articles portray her as mouthy and petulant and outrageous. She says things like, "It is my godgiven right to take Xanex" and kidnaps journalists for weekend stays at her loft where they have to pay for takeout and subject themselves to her amateur acupuncture. But you know what? I've had enough. I don't want to read about her poor daughter and her dead husband and money woes and her big mouth (which makes her appear crazier than she is- I think she just doesn't think before she speaks sometimes). Rock stars are supposed to be outrageous and she is just about the only one left that isn't a corporate pussy. I want to read about her great new album (ok, I really only thought that it was good, but now that I'm becoming her superfan, I'm determined to find it great!) and the music that inspires her and the kind of art she wants to make and her opinions about the future of rock and roll. I want her to get her life together and be happy and find out who stole from her and then just get on with what is interesting about her: making music. So from now on.... I'm her staunchest supporter.

Frankly, there is a feminist part of me that finds her treatment in the media unseemly. I mean Michael Jackson is accused of molestation and he gets better treatment. Or even someone like James Brown or Chuck Berry, who have both had legal woes relating to beating, peeping or sleeping with women. They are freaking legends! Legends who we think are eccentric. I feel bad for Courtney. Not just because people have obviously taken advatage of her and stolen from her and she has fed the media a million reasons to crucify her. But because she is a talented and smart woman who is more than just a sum of her tabloid headlines and I refuse to spend anymore of my free time wondering if she is a drug addict or a fit parent. From now on, that is an issue for the courts and her lawyers to deal with. Me? I'm only in it for the music.

**You had to sneak into my room, just to read my diary**

What a pleasant surprise! Today I discovered the Stellastarr Tour Diary ! Aside from the fact that it is awesome that you can read the day-to-day goings on with one of my favorite bands- this site is amazing because Amanda Tannen (the band's bassist- GOD! I kinda want to BE her. I've always been jealous of chic bassists; when I was in high school and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always said, "Kim Deal." But I digress....) talks about playing at my Alma Mater. Her descriptions of Wash U. includes playing in a cafeteria (For the uninitiated: it's called The Gargoygle and my friend Darren earned his nickname P.P.B., or Public Puke Boy, after a night of drinking there early on freshman year.) and walking through a spring carnival (again, for the uninitiated: it's called Thurtene and it's run by the fraternities and sororities. Clearly, I had NOTHING to do with this event when I was at the Warsh.). I hope some of my St. Louis chums made it out to the show. I warned them that they would be sorry if they missed it- especially since the Killers were opening. Maybe they were too busy getting married. Or whatever.

Well, if others of you missed the Stellastarr/Killers tour stop in your city and you've been wondering what you missed, check out my review HERE !

**I've got a fever and the only perscription is more cowbell**

As anyone who knows me knows- I love the cowbell! It is an underappreciated instrument. What would "Don't Fear the Reaper" be without it? How exciting would the drum breakdown be in Motley Crue's "Live Wire" with no cowbell? Why bother ever listening to Asia, if it were not for the sweet, sweet clang of the overabundant use of cowbell? (Plus- let's give credit where credit is due- the Rapture's whole hipster cred, I think, is a debt owed to the cowbell on "House of Jealous Lovers"!) Well now there is a site dedicated to all things cowbell. Download the Chris Walken "more cowbell" skit from SNL. Check out the section "Songs That Should Have A Cowbell" and be sure to listen to the cowbell-centric version of "Careless Whisper." (C'mon, who doesn't love Wham!?)

Plus, I really learned something from the site. It has a comprehensive list of songs that feature this oft-overlooked, but always welcome percussion instrument. I had never really realized that Blur's "Tracy Jacks" featured the 'bell. Ditto, the Replacement's "Alex Chilton," Big Star's "She's a Mover" and Dolly's "Jolene." Hell, even one of the most annoying radio staples of all time- "American Pie"- has cowbell on it.

Viva the cowbell!

**It's a SIGN O'THE TIMES**

Ok, I've enjoyed all of the hype surrounding the different remix albums of Jay-Z's excellent, The Black Album. I dug DangerMouse's Gray Album, that mixed in the Beatles. (Hey, it got press in every major music magazine!) Since I'm going through a Weezer revival, I really loved The Black and Blue Album that mixed in Weezer's first album. (I mean Dec. 4/ Say It Ain't So is one of the best mash ups EVER and, since 99 Problems is my favorite song on Hova's album, it was cool to hear it mashed up with Buddy Holly.) But now here comes the ultimate Black Album remix for this spring: The Purple Album! That's right, it's Prince meets Jay-Z! Check out the version of Dec 4 that mixes in part of Little Red Corvette. I think the best song might be Change Clothes- which, on the Jay-Z album is the worst track, even though it was the first single- because this version mixes in Purple Rain! I dare you to listen to this remix album and not get pumped for the upcoming Prince tour. I don't even care that I'm gonna be sitting in, like, the last row of the Garden with a bloody nose. It's fucking PRINCE!!

**IT'S NOT CONFIDENTIAL, (THEY'VE) GOT POTENTIAL**

I was getting ready to do my whole winners/losers thing (you know, Kelly Osborne is a loser cuz she got caught with 500 stashed pills- oh the waste!! i bet they got flushed!- and shipped off to rehab by Jack and her parents. That's the pot calling the kettle black, no? etc. etc.) but really all I want to talk about is how amazing the Killers/Ambulance Ltd/Stellastarr show was on Wednesday night. I'm writing a full-on review for Full Throttle Music, so I'll spare you having to read the same shit twice, but seriously, I can't remember the last time I was as excited about a band as I am about the Killers. Actually, yes I can..... IT WAS STELLASTARR!

I just find it amazing when a band manages to be dancable and rock at the same time. I mean, back in the day, it was a prerequisite that you could dance to a pop song. Every song by Little Richard and Chuck Berry and Buddy Holly and the early Beatles were songs for dancing. But somewhere along the way- somewhere between sitar experimentation and metal guitar virtuosity- that which rocked became something different from that which you danced to. I mean that is what disco was for- dancing. Don't believe me about this dichotomy? Think back to your middle school dances- what happened when they inevitably played "Stairway to Heaven"? It sort of started off as a couples song. But then as it got heated and the drums picked up and it started rock full out the couples awkwardly fell apart and started to uncomfortably head bang.

See that never happens with the Killers. You can bounce up and down- dancing- through their whole set. In that regard they are kind of like Duran Duran or Blondie- all synthed out and danceable. But the Killers are much more rock than DD. There is more art-rock/post-punk disco drumming. The guitars are the centerpiece- full of new wave shimmer and, occassionally, the Cure-like crunchy squall. Brandon Flowers- the lead singer and, frankly, my first choice of man to father my children- talk-sings like Ian Curtis minus the dark, goth-y overtones. (Plus he looks like Ethan Hawke in Dead Poet's Society, if he were a new wave, skinny tie-d sex god! That's probably inappropriate- I'm old enough to have been his......babysitter?)

They are gonna be big, people. Huge. They are just what pop music needs- something palatable for the masses that is actually good. Kind of like if brussel sprouts magically started tasting like chocolate. Everyone would want to eat them AND they'd be good for them. Their album- Hot Fuss- comes out in June. I'll be first in line at the store. I expect to see you there.

(Songs I can't stop listening to today: Somebody Told Me- The Killers, Love Is Only a Feeling- the Darkness)