Good news for people who like bad news...

First and foremost, TV ON THE RADIO WON THE SHORTLIST. Now, while you know what a big fan I am of their competitors like the Killers and Franz Ferdinand and Wilco (all of whom I think are now gold and would be, technically, ineligible for the prize if nominations came out today), I was routing for them. They are clearly the most “avant garde” of the nominated artists. Plus they are the most racially diverse act. AND they’re from Brooklyn. And, frankly, they just make kick ass music. I dare you to not be into “Ambulance” or “Poppy.” I’m really proud for them. Apparently they were nominated by five panelists (the most nominations received), including judges as diverse as Robert Smith (cool) and Norah Jones and John Mayer (uncool—although they do get some cool points in my book for knowing a good music when they hear it, even if they can’t play it themselves!). Now I’ll definitely have to tune in when MTV2 shows the shortlist concert featuring all of the nominees. (Though the Dizzee Rascal performance will be the perfect time for a bathroom break!) Ah…that’s why I pay for cable!

Speaking of Mr. Rascal…my second bit of good/weird/interesting news is that he is involved in a remake of my FAVORITIST Christmas song of all time, “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” by Band Aid! He is joined by the Darkness and Bono (who apparently flew in just to rerecord his line of "tonight thank God it's them instead of you,” lest Justin of the Darkness be allowed a chance at that seminal line!) and a bunch of other British acts that no one in the States could give a rat’s arse about (um… Busted, I’m talking to you!). Now I know this song was always cheesy and it is especially, um, distasteful? to be singing about God and Christmas now that the song is being sung for the starving Muslim people of the Sudan instead of the famine victims in Ethiopia (who are apparently largely Christian). I don’t care. I freaking love this song. If anyone is wondering where my Jewish ass will be on Christmas Eve, it’ll be on a bar stool at Japas Karaoke warbling this tune. Apparently this remake has already been released in the UK and premiered on British MTV…Does anyone know when it will be available to us Yanks?

And speaking of MTV Europe… Tonight the MTV Europe awards were held in Rome (right? The past tense is correct because they were held at like 8 pm Rome time and it is now well after midnight?). Acts like Eminem, Beastie Boys and Gwen Stefani performed. (Is it wrong that I am totally excited for her new album? It drops next week and her single has totally become an earworm to me. At first, I was totally put off by her video—I don’t know if it was her attempted acting or her stupid self-importance but I just wanted her to fail. But now, I find myself singing “What You Waiting For?” in line at the supermarket and in bathroom stalls at work. Yeah, I know, I’m really popular!) And lucky us, U.S. viewers with digital cable, they are airing the awards on MTV2 tonight. Yes, it will conflict with the OC and the Apprentice and all of that other embarrassing Thursday night TV that I cancel plans to come home and watch every week, but hopefully they’ll do like they do with the American video awards and just reshow them every day for a week. Because I’m curious (sorry, spoilers ahead!) to see how Muse could win Best Alternative Act when they are going up against Bjork and Franz Ferdinand. And I’m curious to see if Britney came with her new douchey white trash husband. And I’m curious to see if both members of OutKast will come to accept all of the awards they win. (They are nominated for 5 awards and I know that they won at least 2 of ‘em). And I’m curious to see why the Europeans, who generally have better taste in rock than Americans (ok, the British have better taste, the rest of Europe just likes boy bands and house music!) would nominate people like Anastacia (who no one here even knows….Except—and I digress here—once I saw Matt Damon in the Tower Records on Broadway and he was buying her stupid album. He was really cute and quite short, but I could never have a crush on someone with taste that bad!) or Maroon 5 (who are currently winning the race of Rebecca’s Least Favorite Band of 2004 or Band I Most Hope Gets Painful Diahrea). And I’m curious as to why Xzibit is hosting. People in America barely know who he is—outside of the faithful watchers of that shitty, always-on show, Pimp My Ride!

Anyway, in case you were wondering, here are the MTV Europe nominees. It’s not perfect but it is MUCH more diverse than the US nominees usually are. I bet that this year when the VMA nominations are announced that Usher is up for everything. Boo Usher!

2004 MTV EUROPE MUSIC AWARDS NOMINEES

BEST VIDEO
The Cure "The End Of The World"
Jay-Z "99 Problems"
Outkast "Hey Ya!"
The Streets "Fit But You Know It"
The White Stripes "The Hardest Button To Button"

BEST ALBUM
Beyonce Dangerously In Love
The Black Eyed Peas Elephunk
Dido Life For Rent
Outkast Speakerboxxx/The Love Below
Usher Confessions

BEST SONG
Anastacia "Left Outside Alone"
Britney Spears "Toxic"
Maroon 5 "This Love"
Outkast "Hey Ya!"
Usher feat. Ludacris "Yeah!"

BEST MALE
Jay-Z
Justin Timberlake
Nelly
Robbie Williams
Usher

BEST FEMALE
Alicia Keys
Anastacia
Avril Lavigne
Beyonce
Britney Spears

BEST GROUP
Beastie Boys
The Black Eyed Peas
D12
Maroon 5
Outkast

BEST NEW ACT
Franz Ferdinand
Jamelia
Keane
Maroon 5
The Rasmus

BEST POP
Anastacia
Avril Lavigne
The Black Eyed Peas
Britney Spears
Robbie Williams

BEST ROCK
The Darkness
Good Charlotte
Green Day
Linkin Park
Red Hot Chili Peppers

BEST HIP HOP
Beastie Boys
D12
Jay-Z
Kanye West
Nelly

BEST R&B
Alicia Keys
Beyonce
Kelis
Outkast
Usher

BEST ALTERNATIVE ACT
Bjork
Franz Ferdinand
The Hives
Muse
The Prodigy

Got a feeling 27 is gonna be a good year

First of all, I’d like to start this post by announcing that I left my cell phone in a cab on Saturday night so, to any of you who have been trying to reach me, I’m sorry I never got your message. Email is my best mode of communication these days. (Though I hope the lovely cab driver returns my phone tonight, in which case I will be restored to my full communication glory.)
That said… I am especially gratified (even if I’m reporting on this a little late) that for the first time in seven years one artist holds both the number one and number two spots on the Billboard singles charts and that artist is BRIGHT EYES! Even if you don’t like Conor (and to those people I say, what’s wrong with you?!), you have to be a little bit excited that someone of his caliber pulled off this feat. I mean the last person to hold those spots concurrently was Puff Daddy! Does this mean that music is in a better place now? Probably not. Does it mean that more people have better taste? Not really. It probably just means that the single is an outmoded form of recorded music and the only people who are interested in buying singles are music geeks who need to own every piece of Bright Eyes minutae. But that is ok. I’m kind of one of those people. I’m especially excited for the release of his two new albums in January. One is sort of a country-tinged rock record and the other has some experimental electronica beats on it. The best part? They are being released on the same day (GNR-style) and that day is the one after my birthday! So anyone stumped for that all-important “Happy 27th Birthday, Rebecca” gift, can cross that worry off of their list. Also, on my actual birthday (January 24th) the New York Times is giving me the best present of them all (well, aside from offering up Jon Pareles’ job)…They will no longer be employing conservative op/ed columnist William Safire. He is retiring. And he picked my birthday to be his last day. Sweet. I accept that the fact that I even remotely care about this makes me a huge nerd. Whatever. 27 will be a Safire-free year. And that is more than I can say about the last 26!

'Scuse me while I kiss this guy

My sister, a lovely girl though not really much of a music fan, is queen of misheard lyrics. As a child, she thought “Werewolves of London” was “Werewolves of Thunder.” Actually, as I write this that is unfortunately the only example I can think of and it’s not even that good. There were numerous other faux pas (what is the plural of faux pas?), though for some reason I can only think of her non-lyrics related ones, like when she confused John Lennon and Elton John or when she suggested that we buy a PINT (pronounced to rhyme with mint!) of ice cream.
Anyway, some of my favorite misheard lyrics stories include Beth’s thinking that “Our Lips Are Sealed” was “Arlis the Seal.” (Dude, I dare you to not hear “Arlis the Seal” from now on! The song is totally ruined for me!) and Jessica (who has maybe my favorite misheard lyric story of all time!) who thought the lyrics to “Billie Jean” by Michael Jackson were: “Billie Jean is huh huh huh huh. She’s just a girl who thinks that I am the one. The chicken is not my mom.”
The point of mentioning it (aside from the fact that now all of you will instinctually hear “Arlis the Seal” whenever that GoGo’s song plays) is that my sister, knowing full well how ditzy she is when it comes to song lyrics and how funny I think it is, sent me a link to this site www.kissthisguy.com . It is obviously named for the most popular misheard lyric of all time from “Purple Haze.” It is pretty funny. I especially love that everyone on the site was clearly as confused as I was regarding Elton John’s “Rocket Man” and the lyric, “burning up his fuse out here alone.” Especially the person who wrote in thinking that he was saying either “burning up like cheese and pheromone” or “burning up like Jesus’ hairy bone.”
I totally had a misheard lyrics moment this morning on my way to work. I was listening to the Notwist album “Shrink” as I walked to the Subway and, since I had forgotten to bring a book with me to read on the train I found myself heavily concentrating on the song’s lyrics. (Which are, as follows:
The shore
I can see the shore from here
I see your town, your house
and you
The score is
I count the letters of your name
I count the days 'til you
are here again
Day 7
And I'm love galore)

I should add that they are a band of few words. This is actually quite a long song. I kept hearing “Day 7, and I love the Lord,” which was a major turnoff because a) I am admittedly prejudiced against religious people and b) I don’t like any religious imagery in my popular music. However, I was kind of interested by their turn of phrase since I ALWAYS say things like “he loves the lord” to connote someone I think is crazy religious. It made sense to me at the time—I mean according to Bible thumpers it took God 7 days to make the earth so it would make sense for a song called “Day 7” to have some God talk in it. By the time I’d gotten into the office I was full on bothered by this lyric so I looked it up online and was so pleased to see that I’d been wrong. (Although is it terrible if I admit that I think that “I’m in love galore” is a totally stupid lyric? Whatever. I still love the band. Plus their foreign and English isn’t their first language so it’s easy to forgive them!)

Speaking of people who love the lord….(how’s that for a segue?—speaking of segue, that was another one of my sister’s language faux pas. She always pronounced it “se-goo.”) I’d like to take this opportunity to bring this blog back to basics. When I started this fucker almost a year ago I was interested in only a few key things: what albums were going to make everyone’s “Best of” lists, talking about OutKast and Ryan Adams, AND hating Mel Gibson. After “The Passion” broke a million box office records by enticing all of the brainwashed religious freak masses to leave their houses where they homeschool their children (in preparation for the upcoming election, natch!) I sort of lost interest in hating on him. I mean there were so many other, better equipped, more eloquent people who were able to come out and talk about what a nut he is (like the dudes on South Park! Or even Gibson himself—he came off crazier than I thought he was when he let Diane Sawyer interview him!) but now that he has thrust his totally uninvited and uninformed nose back into public debate I feel it is my duty to call him names again on my blog.
For those of you not in the know, Gibson has been speaking out against stem cell research and the recently passed California initiative Proposition 71. I can’t even get into why this is a dumb perspective—as if you don’t already know why yourself! But I am mostly disgusted with his methods. Tonight he is supposed to be on Access Hollywood denouncing the use of fetal stem cells as murder. This is ACCESS HOLLYWOOD, people, not freaking Crossfire. All we want to hear out of your mouth, Gibson, when you are talking to Nancy is about your next “project” or what you are wearing. Now, I know it is a slippery slope out there in California—what with your governor being the Terminator and all—but let me be the one to tell you: no one wants to hear from you, Mel. We don’t give a rat’s ass about your political agenda. People just like your stupid movies. And this is not just because you are yet another uninformed celebrity, but because you are a religious nut/uninformed celebrity. I hope he is haunted by the ghost of Christopher Reeve for the rest of his life.

There are many things that I would like to say to you..

I apologize for my prolonged absence. Thursday night in my fucked up stupor I wrote a huge, long entry lamenting the election, talking about Halloween, plotting my return to Canada (land of the sane), and wishing (the artist formerly known as my boyfriend) Ryan Adams a happy birthday. And then, as I tried to post the entry, my Internet connection went dead (it still hasn’t been restored so I’m sorry to those of you who emailed me over the weekend to no response) and my computer froze and when I rebooted all of my witty banter had, alas!, disappeared. I will do my best to recapitulate the salient points, but frankly my heart just isn’t in it anymore.
So…regarding the election, all I can do is quote the British Daily Mirror’s headline, “How can 59,054,087 people be so dumb?” I’ve really been almost too upset to even talk about it or watch the news. I am disgusted with the American people and moving back to Toronto seems like a wise idea. Hell, my life wouldn’t be that different there. I could still write music reviews, I could still live in an apartment much like the one I currently occupy in Williamsburg, I could still go see movies at little independent theaters, and most major concert tours would still come to the town I live in (hell, I bet I could see controller.controller all the time, living in their hometown!). I could do all of that AND still get an abortion, go to a gay friend’s wedding, and smoke pot kinda legally.Plus I could sleep soundly knowing that my country isn’t involved a holy war or an attempt at colonization. There was an article in the Sunday Times about how to deal with anger now that the election is over. Frankly, I don’t want to deal with my anger. I want to let it boil until the next election and maybe then people will be sufficiently enraged to actually vote RIGHT this time. Over dinner on Saturday, Adam told me that (having just spent some time in one of those “flyover states”) the mood in the middle of the country is that they hate the coasts, they hate feeling talked down to by the coastal folks who control the media, and they didn’t vote for Kerry because his PR wasn’t as good and he didn’t address their needs like George Bush. Well, be that as it may, I don’t fucking care. If you continue to vote for people like George Bush, you will get continually talked down to by people who know you made the wrong decision. And, if saying that makes me some grand big city snob, so be it. I think California—formerly my most hated state—has been replaced by Ohio. Or Florida. Forget it. I can’t even talk about it anymore.

I don’t even remember what it was that I wrote about Halloween. (Is it possible that it was just last week? Because I’m already ensconced in the season of freakin’ Christmas commercials!) Needless to say it is basically my favorite holiday—c’mon people, I was a drama major!

And, since Friday was both the birthday of Ryan Adams and Graham Parsons, I made a list of the 20 Ryan Adams songs that you should buy/download/listen to right now. I know a lot of you really dislike him (and based on his attitude, the frequency with which he shows up in NME dissing other rockers, or his most recent album that is totally understandable), but I wanted to give you a starter kit or a primer to getting into him. Because it is totally worth it once you give in. I can’t remember all of the songs I picked or what it was that I wrote about them but here is an abbreviated list (even though his 30th birthday has now come and gone): Anything off of “Heartbreaker” is pretty great. Especially “My Sweet Caroline” because of the beautiful harmony lines he sings with Emmylou Harris, and “Come Pick Me Up” because it has some of the best breakup lyrics of a song ever. (Like, “Steal my records, screw all my friends, behind my back. Put a smile on my face and then do it again.”) “Gold” is also a good album but the best songs are usually about Winona Ryder (“Nobody Girl” and “Rescue Blue” come to mind immediately). Also, check out “La Cienega Just Smiled” and “Answering Bell.” (Don’t mind the shitty Adam Duritz harmonies. It is a great song and perhaps my favorite song that uses a banjo.) Off his most recent album, “Rock N Roll,” there is only one good song: “So Alive.” It is like his homage to Replacements’ guitar lines and Morrissey’s falsetto singing, so it sounds like a perfect amalgam of, like, 1986. And finally, his cover of “Wonderwall” is amazing. Oasis never made it sound quite so sad or fraught with pathos. In fact, I read somewhere that Noel or Liam (I always confuse them. One has the eyebrow and the other the big, fat, fucking mouth, right?) said that Ryan’s was the definitive version of the song. That’s got to be a major compliment. Especially coming from the boys in THAT band who think that (though they’ve stolen almost every melody they’ve “written” from one or more of the Beatles) they are God’s gift to he craft of music.

And that was basically it for my previously deleted post. I can’t believe I’ve even bothered to rewrite it. Goddamn it, Time Warner Cable! Will you just come and reconnect us to the Internet?! I can’t believe how impotent I feel without it.