Goin' to the chapel and we're gonna get married...

Damn! I don’t blog for five days and all this shit happens! (I mean, Christ, Britney’s nuptials were almost 3 days ago! She could have annulled this marriage before I got around to commenting on it!) With such a surfeit of material ripe for blogging about, there is only one good way to deal with it….A LIST.

THINGS THAT MUST BE BLOGGED ABOUT:

1) Obviously the Spears-Federline white trash wedding. I can’t get enough of the wedding pictures. Britney in fugly white pajamas with “pimp” (or something like it) scrawled across the ass (nothing says classy wedding like having lewd writing on your butt!) dancing with her guido-haired husband, who is wearing some weird Michael Jackson hat! Just to recap: they got married in Studio City! (to the LA-ers out there: isn’t that like getting married in Newark?) They served crab cakes and chicken fingers (like they were getting married at TGIFridays.). Britney changed into the pajamas outfit after the ceremony and took everyone dancing at some club (that had a cash bar, I might add. How much money does she spend on fucking fake tanning? Couldn’t she have spared some of that dough for an open bar at her freakin’ wedding!?). Oh yeah…and she’s a brunette now! I can’t believe that this girl is, not only younger than I am, but also younger than my baby sister and she is on her second marriage and is a step-mom to two kids! Britney, I hope you listened to your mama and made that boy sign a prenup cuz I do not have a good feeling about this!
2) They announced the finalists for the Shortlist Prize. Now this is really nothing to get your panties in a bunch over since they always have excellent finalists and pick a shitty winner (case in point, last year’s winner was Damien Rice!), but since the indie rock community doesn’t really get shout outs from the Grammys or the VMAs, I guess the excellent taste of the nominating committee (which included Robert Smith, Jack Black and Josh Homme) is worth a little bit of excitement. The finalists are:
Air: Talkie Walkie (Astralwerks)
Dizzee Rascal: Boy in Da Corner (Matador/XL)
Franz Ferdinand: Franz Ferdinand (Domino/Epic)
Ghostface: The Pretty Toney Album (Def Jam)
The Killers: Hot Fuss (Island)
Loretta Lynn: Van Lear Rose (Interscope)
Nellie McKay: Get Away from Me (Columbia)
The Streets: A Grand Don't Come for Free (Vice)
TV on the Radio: Desperate Youth, Bloodthirsty Babes (Touch & Go)
Wilco: A Ghost Is Born (Nonesuch)
And, while I’m obviously rooting for Franz or my boyfriends in the Killers, I’d be really excited to see TV on the Radio win. They haven’t had the hype job of some of the other bands mentioned and (aside from Dizzie Rascal—who is a rapper) they are the only people of color nominated and some of the only people of color in indie rock today PERIOD! If white rappers are all the rage (The Streets, Eminem), then I think it’s time for a black rocker resurgence. Seriously. All we’ve got now, really, is Lenny Kravitz and folks, that’s practically worse than having none at all.
3) Speaking of the Killers….I know that they get radio play and are very popular but I was absolutely fucking floored when I caught them on the VH1 countdown at #15. I expected to see them on MTV2 or even, eventually, TRL but I couldn’t believe it when I saw the “Somebody Told Me” video playing right after like the Dashboard Confessional Spiderman II song and right before some freakin’ Maroon 5 garbage. I was really excited for them. I’ve given up my territorial, teenage punk hatred of bands that I like going “mainstream.” Fuck that. I’m tired of nothing but bad music being on TV and on the radio. If the masses want to embrace the good shit, then the rest of us should welcome them with open arms and not cry sell-out when our favorite little band plays a huge amphitheater concert or has a video in heavy rotation on MTV.
4) You know how a couple entries ago, I entreated you all to go rediscover some old album that you overplayed and give in to what you used to love about it? Now I ask you to do one better….Go find an album that you bought but never really got into and give another listen with new ears. That is what I did this week and now I’m OBSESSED with the Postal Service album, “Give Up.” I know, I know… This album came out LAST FEBRUARY and everyone was all abuzz then about how great it was and how warm the electronica was and how great Ben Gibbard sounded. I thought it was pretty good and then totally forgot about it. But since I’ve been going through my Rilo Kiley phase, I decided to give another listen to the Postal Service (cuz Jenny “Hannah Nefler” Lewis sings on it). Omigod, it blew my fucking mind! It fizzes with new wave synths and cool, lux electronica beats but Ben Gibbard’s lyrics and his whispered croon layer an emotional top to the music. My two favorite songs are “Such Great Heights” (which is rumoured to be about his relationship with Jenny!) and “Nothing Better” which is a version of Human League’s “Don’t You Want Me” for the new millennium set over Casio keyboard tones that I seriously thought might’ve been sampled from the Super Mario Brothers game soundtrack. I can’t stop listening to it!
5) Do you know that I got almost 60 hits in one day yesterday? The weirdest part was that almost all of the searches that brought people to Retown were on Maria Menounous. I can’t decide which is weirder: that THAT search brings you here (did I ever even write about her?) or that that many people are interested in Maria Menounous?
6) I must admit that, although the new TV season has started, I haven’t really been watching any of the shows. Which is weird cuz I’m kinda a couch potato. I am trying to get into the Wire (to have something to replace Six Feet Under with), which is fairly easy since the writing is some of the smartest I’ve ever seen on television (even if I’m not entirely sure what the fuck is going on, plot-wise!). The only other shows I’ve even caught are Real World Philadelphia (because it is set in my home town) and the Surreal Life. I think the Real World casting people pick worse people every year. It’s like they are specifically trying to dare me not to watch. This season is populated with the most hateful cast ever—though I can’t decide who deserves a lifetime of explosive diareahea more: MJ, the southern asshole who looks like Justin Timberlake if he we beaten with an ugly stick and was slightly retarded, or Sarah, the “I fuck like a guy” girl who totally can’t handle fucking like a guy! (She’s already cried when she kissed MJ and then he gave his number to a girl at a bar!!) The Surreal Life though is amazing. Seriously. If you aren’t interested in watching Brigiette Neilson and Flava Flav get it on, then there is something wrong with you! Plus you have the added bonus of crazy Charo (Brig is a “crazy bitch”) and getting to watch Jordan Knight cope with his serious social anxiety disorder. I can’t believe this is an actual TV show! It’s like watching a car accident. But, like, a car accident of clown cars stuffed with B-list sub-lebrities.
7) I had my first run-in with a non-outdoor rat. It was very upsetting. I’d say more about it but I honestly can’t think about it without gagging. I’m totally trying to suppress the memory of seeing it’s fleshy, pink little tail scurry across the floor in what was Jen and Marisa’s apartment (now, sadly, it is just Marisa’s!). I had to sleep on the couch because I couldn’t stomach going into Marisa’s room because that is where the rat ran. I know you must think I’m totally neurotic but there is NOTHING grosser or scarier to me than rodents. Seriously. I think it even freaked out their dog because not five minutes after the rat sighting, she squatted and peed on the floor.

You know, I would try and come up with three more things to rant about so the list could be at an even 10, but I’ll let you marinate on these 7. After all, I think I’ve left you with a nice little image—dog piss and rats. And that is what Retown is all about, really. Well, that and hating California!