Sunday, August 29, 2004

Turn around Bright Eyes....

Sorry for the prolonged absence. I've actually been busy at work so there has been little downtime in which to blog. Plus it's been hot as fuck and as any of you who know me know-- I HATE THE HEAT. All this weather makes me want to do is lie in a dark, air-conditioned room in my underwear. I'm not really sure what I've been doing with myself-- aside from drinking too much (what else is new?), arguing about the Olympics (Paul Hamm, that helium-voiced midget, should've given back that medal!), and sleeping too little. Right now it's a Sunday afternoon and I'm hiding from the sunshine, with my air on full-blast, watching Lucas. And I got to wondering...."what ever happened to Kerri Green?" I mean in 1985/6 she was like a female Freddy Prinze Jr., appearing in all of the teen movies of that year. But, according to imdb, she hasn't made a movie since 1993 (Blue Flame) and she hasn't made a movie I've heard of since 1987 (Three for the Road). Isn't this why we have shows like "Where are They Now?" or "E! True Hollywood Story"? Why hasn't someone gotten on this?

TOP 10 OTHER THINGS I'VE WONDERED ABOUT THIS WEEK (Besides the disappearence of Kerri Green)- a special Lucas List:

1) Is Lucas the movie that invented the emotional, slow-clap scene? Or is it simply the best use of it?
2)How did I manage to attend a comperably small graduate journalism program and still graduate knowing such a small fraction of the students? For example, yesterday I went to a party at my friend Emily's house with a couple of my friends from journalism school and there was this one girl there I had never heard of or seen before. And she is one of my friends best friends! Did I just have my head up my ass for a year and a half? What classes were all these other people taking- cuz they weren't taking the same classes as I!?
3) What happened to Winona Ryder? I totally forgot about the charming, lesbian-haired, gothy pixie that she used to be! Now she's just a rock whore-y criminal with a bag full of prescription drugs. I miss old Winona. When she still looked kind of awkward and Jewish. And you felt bad for her and related to her because you believed that she would be the sort of high school misfit who would harbor a secret crush on the geeky Corey. I don't relate to anyone who dates Ryan Adams and Beck and shoplifts at Saks.
4) Speaking of Ryan....How come his newest album is so bad? Actually it's not even bad, it's just so mediocre and uninteresting that it is more disappointing than if it had actually been BAD. When Gold came out, in September of 2001, I spent roughly six months listening to nothing else. It was a steady diet of Ryan. So much so that I never heard the much ballyhooed first Strokes album until months after its release. After half a year of an all Ryan music diet I had to take a break from him-- and let's just say his newest album didn't lure me back to him with the enthusiasm I expected. But in the last week or so I've really delved back into the Ryan back catalog, falling asleep to Sweet Carolina, walking to work to Answering Bell, singing along in the shower to Come Pick Me Up. The lesson? This week you should all go find an album or an artist that you loved so much that you overplayed them and rediscover them. Play that album that you overdosed on and remind yourself why you loved it. It's way more exciting than any of the new albums that are coming out this month!
5) What's the deal with Courtney Thorne Smith? She has actually had kind of an impressive career tragectory. I mean she started out as the "popular cheerleader" in Lucas and became the easy surfer chick in Summer School and then was the nursery school assistant on Day By Day, the sitcom that followed Family Ties, who was crushed on by C. Thomas Howell, the son of her bosses. After all that she became uptight Allison who lusted after her roommate on Melrose Place and now she's married to Jim Belushi on some crappy ABC sitcom. She has spanned the gamut of available girl roles in Hollywood- bitch in teen movie, regular gal on nighttime sudser, attractive mom married to ugly dude on sitcom....
6) Why is it that in movies (usually teen ones) when they want to let you know that someone is poor or from the wrong side of the tracks they always have the main character work at a gas station? How many kids at your high school had an afterschool job pumping gas? The men who worked at the gas stations where I grew up were all like 45 and mechanics.
7) Why does Lucas have such a piss poor soundtrack? I think the reason that it hasn't entered the pantheon of teen classics like John Hughes' ouevre is that David Seltzer (the writer and director) didn't have the same precient new wave taste as Mr. Hughes? (Or should I say Howard Deutch? Hughes' two best movie soundtracks- Some Kind of Wonderful and Pretty in Pink-- came from movies that he wrote but Deutch directed!) I mean Some Kind of Wonderful uses the Jesus and Mary Chain! Pretty in Pink rocks Echo and the Bunnymen, New Order and the Smiths for chrissakes!! Lucas just has weird keyboard music throughout and when they finally use a song, it's freakin' "Walk of Life" by Dire Straits. Nope, sorry David, you should have sprung for some Cure tracks!
8) How do you think Conor Oberst chose the name Bright Eyes to be his pen name? Do you think it had anything to do with Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler? I found myself wondering this as I karaoked the song at Melissa's birthday party last night.
9) Should I be concerned that, even though I'm 26 I still relate to Lucas perhaps more than any other teen movie character ever? Except maybe Duckie. Not that I want to relate to the bitchy cheerleader or the popular asshole but just once I'd like to feel like one of Molly Ringwald's characters (it doesn't have to be Andi from Pretty in Pink-- with sexy, evil Stev, loyal Duckie and bad-kissing prep Blaine all after your ass!-- I'd settle for Sam from Sixteen Candles, even she gets the dream guy in the end!) It's just that I thought that at a certain point I'd grow out of that alienated, adolescent feeling of crushing after someone wholey inappropriate. Yet here I am, practically pushing 30, choking back tears for an angry, skinny, smart 14 year old who loves this sweet, nice new girl who just wants to be his friend. Why is that so heartbreaking? Friends are nice. We all need friends. But hearing that someone that you like just wants to be your friend is still perhaps the single most hurtful phrase in the English language. So I guess I'll never get over feeling bad for Lucas! Where's my slow-clap?
10) How can I get a pass to CMJ this year? In the past I've volunteered for them to get my free pass (cuz those fuckers are expensive!) but last year I ended up missing a lot of the shows I wanted to see because I was volunteering during the shows. And I'm not a real enough music writer to get a free press pass and I can't afford to buy a pass like the rest of the plebian masses. But check out their website-- cmj.com-- for this year's lineup and you'll see why I have to go!! THE THERMALS! STRATFORD 4!! DECEMBERISTS! RJD2! CLINIC! TV ON THE RADIO! THE CONCRETES! MATES OF STATE!! Who's coming with me?

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

schedule permitting, i will be at CMJ.

1:48 PM  
Blogger shaymo said...

i don't know why that posted anonymously. that was me, shaymo.

9:42 PM  

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