WARNING!! Drama geek alert ahead....
Try as I may, I cannot put my drama geek past behind me. I thought I'd chosen a new career (equally geeky though it may be) and put away that part of me that fell in love with gay boys, and congratulated people's scene studies by calling it "good work," and got so obsessed with a show that I saw it 15 times and memorized every word, and got goosebumps in theaters over the moment when the lights went down. I've mostly killed that part of me. (Hell, it's been years since I hooked up with an ambigiously sexual guy and I couldn't tell you the last play I went to!) I've replaced her with this cynical girl who has nothing but contempt for actors (even ones I admire like Meryl and Julianne come off as assholes on shows like Inside the Actors Studio) and doesn't get too emotional or attached to pieces of art (well, I guess songs don't count, cuz I'm still a raving geek about those!) and crushes on disheveled little rock boys on the sole basis of their knowledge of the Velvet Underground or Joy Division. But, somewhere hidden deep inside, a small part of her remains.
Tonight, after a really long week of work (the fruits of which will be all over next week's voice! check it out, i have like three different pieces running!) I went out and bought some DVDs I couldn't afford. And yes, all the DVDs I bought feature Michael Pitt (or as I like to think of him Mr. Retown)- but not just because I like looking at his cherubic pie face and puffy lips, but because he is a good actor and love these movies and blah blah blah. One of them was Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Yes, it is terribly "theater-y" of me to love this movie, but when I first saw the play (yeah, I saw it three times!) I was still Rebecca the Theater Dork and it was like a revolution to me. It was the first real rock musical I'd ever seen- like with real rock music and musicians in it. It embraced skewed gender politics. It was terribly New York, with all of its in-jokes about the MePa. It was punky and arty and youthful- not just some Broadway revival of Oklahoma. And I was honestly surprised and thrilled when it became a big sensation with Ali Sheedy taking over the lead role and the movie rights being bought. In fact the one and only time I went to the Sundance Film Festival was the year that Hedwig won the audience award and the whole crew was on my flight back to New York, drunkenly celebrating and wearing matching t-shirts.
Despite the fact that I've seen this movie like 5 times, it holds up remarkably well. In its own theatrical way it says more about lonliness and love and humiliation than any major motion picture I can think of. And since I'm still kind of infatuated with the idea of DVDs (and their accompanying extras)- since I just got a DVD player and entered the 21st century a month ago- I decided to watch the making of.... documentary that is included. I figured it would be like those HBO First Look segments that play in between showings of Def Comedy Jam and Brown Sugar- you know, 20 minutes of behind-the-scenes footage and interviews with the director. But it was actually like an hour and a half long feature about the evolution of Hedwig from Stephen Trask and John Cameron Mitchell's first chance meeting on a flight to New York, through the character's birth at Squeezebox at Don Hills, through to their success at Sundance. And it was really moving. And not just because you could see how much of JCM, personally, is the different characters (for example his father was a major army general, like Tommy's and was stationed in Berlin, like Luther) but because it documented a really rare thing: the creative process. And for the first time since I gave it up, I really missed acting. Not auditioning. Not BEING an actor. Not even getting applause or taking a bow. I miss the creative process. Having an idea and seeing it through to something. Rehearsing and trying new things. These guys who created Hedwig, started out with one song and a bad drag act at small club during it's punk drag queen night and followed it through to a full fledged production- even going so far as to pay for and open their own theater space. There were years of rewriting and collaboration and late nights of rehearsing in between having the idea for a character and watching that character onscreen at the Sundance Film Festival. And I don't have anything like that in my life anymore.
Writing is solitary and writing for newspapers is a really quick process. There is no collaboration. There is rarely any time to develop any one piece. There is little to no creativity. There is hardly any emotional payoff. Now, I'm not complaining. I love my work. I do. It was thrilling to get to send an email to the Killers publicist to ask for tickets to Monday's show because I am a (sort of) legitimate writer. I love music in a way that I've never loved anything. Its can be family or crush (I detest the word "lover") or memory. That is why I love writing about it. But- if I rid myself of the memories of bitchy tantrums or showy co-stars or ridiculous romantic drama or too-easy-to-mock seriousness, and I remember the feeling of being a part of something creative that was bigger than any one person- I really kind of miss Drama Geek Rebecca.
Um....this blog is becoming overly mawkish. Let's just end on this unrelated note..... Jim McGreevey is a (and I'm quoting here) "Gay American." That has got to be one of the funniest phrases ever uttered. Especially by a politician. And I'm including Bush!
Tonight, after a really long week of work (the fruits of which will be all over next week's voice! check it out, i have like three different pieces running!) I went out and bought some DVDs I couldn't afford. And yes, all the DVDs I bought feature Michael Pitt (or as I like to think of him Mr. Retown)- but not just because I like looking at his cherubic pie face and puffy lips, but because he is a good actor and love these movies and blah blah blah. One of them was Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Yes, it is terribly "theater-y" of me to love this movie, but when I first saw the play (yeah, I saw it three times!) I was still Rebecca the Theater Dork and it was like a revolution to me. It was the first real rock musical I'd ever seen- like with real rock music and musicians in it. It embraced skewed gender politics. It was terribly New York, with all of its in-jokes about the MePa. It was punky and arty and youthful- not just some Broadway revival of Oklahoma. And I was honestly surprised and thrilled when it became a big sensation with Ali Sheedy taking over the lead role and the movie rights being bought. In fact the one and only time I went to the Sundance Film Festival was the year that Hedwig won the audience award and the whole crew was on my flight back to New York, drunkenly celebrating and wearing matching t-shirts.
Despite the fact that I've seen this movie like 5 times, it holds up remarkably well. In its own theatrical way it says more about lonliness and love and humiliation than any major motion picture I can think of. And since I'm still kind of infatuated with the idea of DVDs (and their accompanying extras)- since I just got a DVD player and entered the 21st century a month ago- I decided to watch the making of.... documentary that is included. I figured it would be like those HBO First Look segments that play in between showings of Def Comedy Jam and Brown Sugar- you know, 20 minutes of behind-the-scenes footage and interviews with the director. But it was actually like an hour and a half long feature about the evolution of Hedwig from Stephen Trask and John Cameron Mitchell's first chance meeting on a flight to New York, through the character's birth at Squeezebox at Don Hills, through to their success at Sundance. And it was really moving. And not just because you could see how much of JCM, personally, is the different characters (for example his father was a major army general, like Tommy's and was stationed in Berlin, like Luther) but because it documented a really rare thing: the creative process. And for the first time since I gave it up, I really missed acting. Not auditioning. Not BEING an actor. Not even getting applause or taking a bow. I miss the creative process. Having an idea and seeing it through to something. Rehearsing and trying new things. These guys who created Hedwig, started out with one song and a bad drag act at small club during it's punk drag queen night and followed it through to a full fledged production- even going so far as to pay for and open their own theater space. There were years of rewriting and collaboration and late nights of rehearsing in between having the idea for a character and watching that character onscreen at the Sundance Film Festival. And I don't have anything like that in my life anymore.
Writing is solitary and writing for newspapers is a really quick process. There is no collaboration. There is rarely any time to develop any one piece. There is little to no creativity. There is hardly any emotional payoff. Now, I'm not complaining. I love my work. I do. It was thrilling to get to send an email to the Killers publicist to ask for tickets to Monday's show because I am a (sort of) legitimate writer. I love music in a way that I've never loved anything. Its can be family or crush (I detest the word "lover") or memory. That is why I love writing about it. But- if I rid myself of the memories of bitchy tantrums or showy co-stars or ridiculous romantic drama or too-easy-to-mock seriousness, and I remember the feeling of being a part of something creative that was bigger than any one person- I really kind of miss Drama Geek Rebecca.
Um....this blog is becoming overly mawkish. Let's just end on this unrelated note..... Jim McGreevey is a (and I'm quoting here) "Gay American." That has got to be one of the funniest phrases ever uttered. Especially by a politician. And I'm including Bush!
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