5...5...5 for my lonely

I hate that feeling I get when I go to check out someone's blog- anxious to have something new to read at work- and they have been lazy and their post from last week is still staring me in the face. Sadly, no one is more guilty of that than I. I've been so neglectful! But know that I've been thinking of you, dear reader(s?). Every time I've witnessed something fucked up or googled something absurd, I've said to myself, "Self, you've gotta remember to blog about this." Unfortunately, until now, I hadn't found the time to sit down and actually type the words into my little computer. What with all the drinking I've been doing. I think my liver needs a little rest- maybe just a week. I suspect that it is now as black as my lungs.

Anyway, before my beer-soaked brain totally forgets, here are the 5 things (what, you thought I'd actually write this post and skip making a list? Silly reader!) that I thought were hilarious/weird/disturbing that I've been meaning to blog about but got too drunk and lazy. (Damn, where's my countdown show on VH1?!)

1) Jonathan Jackson (thanks Beth for the pictures! He just might be the cutest little Lord-lover ever!) has a band with his brother. They are a Christian rock band- like the ones that have that Worship Together album that advertises on TV late at night when I'm stoned that features "I Could Sing of Your Love Forever", except with a tatooed soap star as the singer. Their lyrics are amazing. Seriously. I was trying to pick some to post here and it was so hard. I think my favorite might be Rise (music & lyrics by Jonathan Jackson):


There's something about the night
That makes it alright
There's something about the wind
That makes me grin
There's something about the rain
That takes away the pain
There's something about friends
That make life not end
There's something about a cat's meow
That touches me somehow

Your eyes are filled with hate
Well, brother, it's not too late
No, you've gotta love one another
Like sisters and brothers
And love one another - I will
You've gotta believe one another
And relieve one another
And love one another until
Oh - rise
Oh - rise
Rise above

Look around - what do you see?
Children's unity
So why destroy them? Why destroy them?
Hey. . . no

You've gotta trust one another
Like mothers and fathers
And trust one another - I do
You've gotta believe one another
Do not leave one another
And love one another - I do

Turquoise oceans
Peaceful emotions
I'll rise above you
With rainbows of virtue
Love will live on
Hate will be gone
If we rise
If we rise above

Brother, it's not too late - no, no
Sister, it's not too late - no, no
Mother, it's not too late - I said no
Father, it's not too late

If we rise, if we rise above
Rise above me for I am not worthy
I am coming home - righteousness is my humble abode
Rise - rise above me now
It's never too late
Rise above me now
The Lord too in your lane
Rise
Rise

.....but only cuz I totally want the Lord to be in my lane. They must be a pretty edgy God rock band because the song before this actually has the phrase "gonna fuck you up" in it. Dude, I don't know that the Lord is down with the f-bomb. That's why I use it all the time. You MUST check out his other sensitive yet brooding Jesus lyrics HERE .

2) Playgrounds in New York are some the funniest and most fucked up places in the whole city. Last week I babysat during the day and took my little charge to Washington Square Park where I was the only non- foreign person there with a baby. Yep me and a bunch of middle aged Spanish and Dominican ladies who spent the afternoon reading Cosmo and chatting on their cell phones while the spoiled terrors that they were supposed to be watching threw sand everywhere. Well, there was one actual mom on the scene. A 45 year-old mother of a 2 year-old little girl. She seemed very professional and Murphy Brown-ish (though it was a Thursday at like noon and we were in the park). But I nearly died when she brought her little walking, talking kid over, put her on her lap AND STARTED BREAST FEEDING HER. Dude, if you are old enough to ask for it, you are too old for the tit. I couldn't help but stare. I wonder if when she is 60, she is gonna follow little Toothy Mcbreast-alot to a high school dance and whip out her old old saggy boob so her 15 year old kid doesn't go hungry during "In Your Eyes." Am I wrong people?

3) I overheard some people at work today talking about annoying commercials and how the New York Times should really spring for new ads. (I go straight for Arts and Leisure!) One guy brought up a commercial I hadn't thought about in a really long time but one that haunted me with its awefulness for a long time...... "I'm so gellin'!" Remember those commercials? With their inane rhymes and the "square guy" who claimed, "I'm totally gellin'" to which his hep co-workers replied, "He's so NOT gellin'".... Just remembering it makes me mad all over again. I hope whomever created that commercial gets anal leakage. Yeah, the kind they warn you about on packages of chips made with Olean.

4) Speaking of work, I felt totally vindicated by my old anti-Harry Potter rant in a previous post when I heard my co-worker exclaim in the midst of a Potter-fight: "It's a kids thing. I don't hae time to waste on a kid's book." Ah, as long as I'm not the only snob out there.

5) I had the most fucked up nightmare last week and it haunted me for a couple of days. I couldn't shake the anxious feeling that it provoked in me. Basically, I was at school at some place like MIT but I was a fish out of water- like Reese Whitherspoon in Legally Blond, except less blond and perky. Everyone hated me and thought that I wasn't smart enough to be in the program and I kept embarassing myself in class. And then one of my classmates solved the last digit of pi and our professor told everyone else to see if they could solve it too. And I thought to myself, "Remember that movie where the dude went crazy because of pi? Don't make yourself crazy." But then I kind of did make myself crazy. All I knew of pi was 3.14 (thanks high school!) and all of my books, when I got back to my dorm room, were blank or written in Greek or Japanese and I couldn't understand them. And I was running around trying to come up with more digits of pi. No one hated high school math more than I and after that last statistics exam senior year, I've never wasted another minute thinking about math more complicated than leaving a tip at a restaurant so clearly this dream was a nightmare worse than showing up at school naked. I mean everyone has anxiety dreams but why does math have to enter into it?

So, there. I finally blogged about all the stupid shit I wanted to. There is finally something new to look at on this overly pink page. (Though I still don't get how you post pictures....damn you, Beth!) And this week there will be so much more to write about- Curiosa on Saturday....taking Jen on her first non-WASP ferry ride....researching a piece about the Republican National Convention for work....not being so drunk that when I ride in the elevator in the morning at the office that someone doesn't comment about the smell of beer coming out of my pores....good times.