Everytime I think of you..

When I started this blog I was firm with what I wanted to write about: tv shows, bands I liked, concerts I saw, you know, general pop culture minutae. (Like every other blogger on the Internet!) I wholeheartedly agreed with Melissa that there should be no "sex in the champagne room", so to speak. I've got a paper journal that I'm too lazy to write in, but should I need to divulge details of my sex life or boy drama, that is where I'd like to do it. I've never once written here about a date I went on or a boy I liked or some sex I've had. And, don't worry, I don't really intend to start now. But I really admire bloggers that do put themselves out there like that- admitting embarassing escapades they've had or naming people that they lust after. I'm, frankly, too much of a pussy for that.

I've always felt like if you are one of the small minority that reads this then you've probably heard about my escapades or the boys that I like, so why bore you with further details? But recently I've had kind of a change of heart. See, I've been reading a blog that has riveted me with its tales of debauchery and confusion and drunkenness and, besides inspiring me with its excellent prose to be a better writer when it comes to my online ramblings, I think I've developed an actual, giddy, little crush on the guy that writes it. Now, I don't know this guy personally and the only things I do really know about him (from his blog) are kind of romantically troubled or angsty (he seems to be in unrequited love with a girl who has a boyfriend, he seems to be always drunk, he sleeps around- or talks about sleeping around a lot- and went down on a stranger he met on his site!) but he is so honest about his actions and his desires and the loneliness he feels (and they are, frankly, actions and feelings I'm pretty guilty of myself-well, aside from the oral sex with a reader) that he comes off as charming and sincere and incredibly sexy.

Now, I've done the online dating thing so I'm well aware that people aren't always what they seem when you are reading about them on a computer screen. Let's see my online dating tally is: 1 guy from a band I dig who was super cool and got me drunk then never called me again; 1 super cute guy who didn't have a job or go to school and had no interests and sat on my couch, high, not talking for 6 hours until I had to make up plans to get him out of my apartment; 1 guy who I've hooked up with twice; and three guys who are still emailing me to get together (despite my swearing off of internet dating). I'm glad I did it but I don't think it is for me. But it is kind of weird that in the same week that I decided that I'm no longer looking for dates online that I've become kind of enraptured of this faceless Internet guy with a blog. I see his comments are tons of chics begging for dates and telling him that he is cute- so I'm not alone in my enjoyment of his writing- but I do not post on blogs, especially not blogs of strangers, especially not to ask for a date or swoon. It's just kind of fun- when there is no promising guy in your life and everyone is all coupled up for the summer, holding hands and kissing on street corners- to imagine that there is some dirty-haired, dirty-minded boy who is drunkenly pining for love (or just a little sex, that'd be ok too!) on his blog who would be perfect for you. I'm not actually so far gone when it comes to understanding men that I don't know that this is a silly little fantasy, but I've not met anyone interesting enough lately to make me give it up.

PS: I was just reading over this post and I realize that it reads a little stalker-y. Um, that was SO not the intent. It's not a real crush that I have on this elusive blogger. It is a "this guy is cute and I like his writing so crushing on him from afar is way easier than actually going out and meeting real guys" kind of thing. It's also a little bit of a "my job is really boring and I need something to read while I sit idly at a computer all day" kind of thing. And a little bit of a "I want to get him drunk and end up as one of his debauched stories on his blog" kind of thing. But mostly it's the other two.