Born in the USA

I feel kind of bad about how apathetic I’ve been during the whole RNC in NYC thing. As a kid who was totally enamoured of the 60s, I liked to imagine that I would’ve been part of the making of history: getting tear gassed at Berkeley or Columbia or beaten at the DNC in Chicago in ’68. But people have been making history all week long here in my hometown and I’ve stayed far, far away. I think I now know for certain that- had I been born 30 years earlier- I would’ve just smoked a lot of pot and dropped a lot of acid but I probably wouldn’t be bothered to take over any administration buildings. (It would’ve been cool to see bands though! Young Bob Dylan! Hendrix! Zepplin!)

While others of my generation were busy being arrested (and I know there were almost 2000 of them- I know this cuz I had to type up all of their names for next week’s issue at work!) I was sitting on my ass at home and, you know what, I wasn’t even WATCHING the convention. Nope, I watched A Chorus Line (say what you will, I think this movie is HILARIOUS! The best number is clearly Richie’s song about “doing it in a graveyard.” I just about peed my pants when he sang, “And then we did it again.”), lots of SoapNet reruns of All My Children (they are locked in a very Agatha-Christie-like game of murder that is going to lead to actual murder and I’m very caught up in the drama of it…is that sad?), and more MTV2 than I care to admit. I did make sure, however, to tune into the Daily Show so that I could check up on the ridonkulous things being said at the convention, but I couldn’t actually watch the convention itself. Not because I didn’t care. On the contrary, because I cared so much that it was upsetting. It was upsetting that Arnold “I admire Hitler” Schwartzenegger said that he was a Republican because of Nixon and reduced people with actual, legitimate concerns about the way Bush has handled the economy to “girlie-men,” which isn’t even one of his lines- it’s a line from an SNL skit about Arnold-like bodybuilders. It was upsetting that Zell Miller went crazy on the stand giving a keynote address that, in comparison to Obama’s at the DNC, looked like a rant at a Klan rally. It was upsetting that the Republicans felt the need to attack John Kerry (who’s the flip-flopper, Bush? I believe it was you who said one day that the war on terror couldn’t be won and then a day later changed your tune!) instead of talk about issues because they know that they have a weak leader with a poor track record to stand behind so it’s easier to throw vitriol at their opponent. It was upsetting that the Republicans trotted out families of 9/11 victims and tried to use New York City as a stage to prey on the nation’s sympathy. Fuck you. This is my home. 9/11 is not your tragedy to exploit. That is despicable.

Whatever. This isn’t a political website and I don’t claim to understand the ins and outs of the political process. But this week I was glad I was a Canadian.