California Uber Alles
My sister moved to California. The OC, to be exact. I’m trying to not be too broken up about this and be happy for her because this is what she’s wanted for a really long time. But I miss her already and can't believe that she's so goddamned far away.
Now I have a well-documented hatred for the state of California (especially Southern Cali). It’s too warm, people get too much sun, no one can dress for shit (people, yoga clothes are only appropriate if you are DOING YOGA, not if you are out for drinks on a Friday night!), and you spend way too much time on the goddamn expressway in your stupid car. I mean, there is a reason that California is going to fall into the ocean eventually. Why-o-why is everyone that I love moving there? Southern California is like a disaster movie--mudslides!earthquakes!fires!-- with overly blond, plastic surgury freaks in freakin' Juicy Couture velour track suits!
But--I must admit-- as I sit here shivering in my office (because, even though it is like 60 degrees and about to rain outside we have the A/C on full blast) looking at a forcast on weather.com that calls for rain all week long I must say that it looks nice that for the next week in Newport Beach it is going to be 80 degrees and sunny.
Now I have a well-documented hatred for the state of California (especially Southern Cali). It’s too warm, people get too much sun, no one can dress for shit (people, yoga clothes are only appropriate if you are DOING YOGA, not if you are out for drinks on a Friday night!), and you spend way too much time on the goddamn expressway in your stupid car. I mean, there is a reason that California is going to fall into the ocean eventually. Why-o-why is everyone that I love moving there? Southern California is like a disaster movie--mudslides!earthquakes!fires!-- with overly blond, plastic surgury freaks in freakin' Juicy Couture velour track suits!
But--I must admit-- as I sit here shivering in my office (because, even though it is like 60 degrees and about to rain outside we have the A/C on full blast) looking at a forcast on weather.com that calls for rain all week long I must say that it looks nice that for the next week in Newport Beach it is going to be 80 degrees and sunny.
2 Comments:
to translate rebecca's comments into californian, please use the following legend:
>>expressway = the freeway (the 5, the 405, the ____)
>>mudslides! earthquakes! fires! = east coast people feel about these things the way you feel about hurricanes, tornados and snow. except it's actually dangerous to live on the east coast. haha.
also, in my final defense of california, i would like to say that anywhere where bulimia AND elastic waistbands is encouraged is a very tolerant society if you ask me. haha.
don't worry re. the oc will coddle and pamper leah into a state of suburban bliss. it's only right to want the best in life for your sister... a 7-11 on every corner... a beach for sunning and moonlit skinny dipping... lots of dork bars... ah.
i think people are moving cross country to get in on the ground floor of the beachfront property in nevada.
Oh Shaya! It is so cute how you've translated my comments into Californian--as if any Californians actually read this site! Actually, I'm thinking of changing the name of this from "Retown: There's too much caffeine in your bloodstream and a lack of real spice in your life." to "Retown: I hate California." PS: We don't have tornadoes on the east coast, snow is relatively harmelss (compared with earthquakes!), and hurricanes don't kill people in the northeast, just in the south (and I'd be scared to live there anyway!).
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