*OSCAR THE GROUCH*
I told myself I wasn't going to post about last night's Oscars, since they were the most boring, predictable and mind-numbing awards show I've ever seen (and I've watched the Tony's before!), but I can't pass up the opportunity to write about the two GREAT moments of an otherwise destitute 4 hours of my life that I wish i could get back.
Enjoyable Oscar Moment #1: Amongst the schmaltz (and let's face it, schmaltz wins every year! We are talking about a catagory that Diane Warren and Phil Collins have won!) of the Best Song awards were some honest-to-God bright spots. First I got to see my boyfriend, Elvis Costello, perform his song from Cold Mountain with Allison Krause. (I like to tell myself that he only married Diana Krall because she was the first Canadian he found. He was really looking for me!) But I felt my allegiances were torn once Mitch and Mickey performed "Kiss at the End of the Rainbow." The fact that this amazing song didn't win is just proof that the Academy has no taste. I mean, Lord of the Fucking Rings won every other goddamned award- did they really need to be rewarded for their piece of Enya-copying tripe that they submitted for Best Song? A Mighty Wind's song managed the seemingly-impossible task of being a)good, b) meticulous in its detail to adhearing to folk music style and c) funny as hell. When something makes me laugh and get choked up at the same time, it is doing something right. There was no contest- "Kiss at the End of the Rainbow" was the best song of the year. But so was Elliott Smith's "Miss Misery" in 1997. And Aimee Mann's "Save Me" in 1999. The academy gets this catagory wrong almost every year. (I'm still reeling from shock that Eminem won last year- the rightful winner!) The people they usually nominate are abismal (the aforementioned Diane Warren, Sting, whoever wrote the song from that year's Disney cartoon musical) and the winners are even worse. (Note: Miss Misery was beaten by "My Heart Will Go On" from Titanic and "Save Me" was beaten by fucking "You'll Be in My Heart" from Tarzan!) Looking at their nominees and winners people would think that the movies are a clearing house for auditory horror, when in fact, movies often showcase original (and often, unknown) musical talent. C'mon people! Stephen Merritt did the Pieces of April soundtrack (featuring one of my favorite songs of all time, "Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side") and Jonny Greenwood put out his first solo album and it is the soundtrack to a film (Bodysong). I can't believe that I thought that Mitch and Mickey could win. I guess after Eminem's win last year, I went crazy thinking that members of the Academy had grown a set, acquired some musical taste and actually knew what year it was. I was wrong.
Enjoyable Oscar Moment #2: Fucking Will Ferrel and Jack Black. Years from now, when the 2003 Oscars are just known as that boring black hole year where every D&D-playing, goth hobbit took time out of their busy schedule of chronic masterbation and technical theater to leave their parent's basement to vote for Lord of the Rings in every freaking catagory, all that we will remember in fondness about the telecast is these guy's rendition of the Oscar cut off music. "You're boring!" I nearly peed myself. (And, let me tell you, after 4 hours of sitting and drinking Diet Dr. Pepper and watching LOTR beat out every other movie that wasn't nominated for the past three years- I needed a piss!) The only thing funnier than their song was Will Ferrel's reading of the nominees for Best Song. I miss his James Lipton from SNL but when he said, in his over-annunciated Lipton-whisper, "Sting," I got a small taste of it. If there was any justice at the Academy Awards (and we know there isn't- witness Bill Murray's loss!) these guys would both be big winners next year. Hell, they deserve nominations just for last night's performances. They were the only thing up-stage that wasn't as dead as the facial muscles on Catherine Zeta Jones. (Hi, Catherine. I know you are married to a corpse who's had more face-lifts than he's had children, but with all that Botax you've got- at least I hope it's just Botox- you look less like an Oscar winner and more like a certain Doritos pitchwoman!)
All that said, things look bright for next year's Oscars. Hey at least LOTR can't be nominated. And that is enough for me.
I told myself I wasn't going to post about last night's Oscars, since they were the most boring, predictable and mind-numbing awards show I've ever seen (and I've watched the Tony's before!), but I can't pass up the opportunity to write about the two GREAT moments of an otherwise destitute 4 hours of my life that I wish i could get back.
Enjoyable Oscar Moment #1: Amongst the schmaltz (and let's face it, schmaltz wins every year! We are talking about a catagory that Diane Warren and Phil Collins have won!) of the Best Song awards were some honest-to-God bright spots. First I got to see my boyfriend, Elvis Costello, perform his song from Cold Mountain with Allison Krause. (I like to tell myself that he only married Diana Krall because she was the first Canadian he found. He was really looking for me!) But I felt my allegiances were torn once Mitch and Mickey performed "Kiss at the End of the Rainbow." The fact that this amazing song didn't win is just proof that the Academy has no taste. I mean, Lord of the Fucking Rings won every other goddamned award- did they really need to be rewarded for their piece of Enya-copying tripe that they submitted for Best Song? A Mighty Wind's song managed the seemingly-impossible task of being a)good, b) meticulous in its detail to adhearing to folk music style and c) funny as hell. When something makes me laugh and get choked up at the same time, it is doing something right. There was no contest- "Kiss at the End of the Rainbow" was the best song of the year. But so was Elliott Smith's "Miss Misery" in 1997. And Aimee Mann's "Save Me" in 1999. The academy gets this catagory wrong almost every year. (I'm still reeling from shock that Eminem won last year- the rightful winner!) The people they usually nominate are abismal (the aforementioned Diane Warren, Sting, whoever wrote the song from that year's Disney cartoon musical) and the winners are even worse. (Note: Miss Misery was beaten by "My Heart Will Go On" from Titanic and "Save Me" was beaten by fucking "You'll Be in My Heart" from Tarzan!) Looking at their nominees and winners people would think that the movies are a clearing house for auditory horror, when in fact, movies often showcase original (and often, unknown) musical talent. C'mon people! Stephen Merritt did the Pieces of April soundtrack (featuring one of my favorite songs of all time, "Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side") and Jonny Greenwood put out his first solo album and it is the soundtrack to a film (Bodysong). I can't believe that I thought that Mitch and Mickey could win. I guess after Eminem's win last year, I went crazy thinking that members of the Academy had grown a set, acquired some musical taste and actually knew what year it was. I was wrong.
Enjoyable Oscar Moment #2: Fucking Will Ferrel and Jack Black. Years from now, when the 2003 Oscars are just known as that boring black hole year where every D&D-playing, goth hobbit took time out of their busy schedule of chronic masterbation and technical theater to leave their parent's basement to vote for Lord of the Rings in every freaking catagory, all that we will remember in fondness about the telecast is these guy's rendition of the Oscar cut off music. "You're boring!" I nearly peed myself. (And, let me tell you, after 4 hours of sitting and drinking Diet Dr. Pepper and watching LOTR beat out every other movie that wasn't nominated for the past three years- I needed a piss!) The only thing funnier than their song was Will Ferrel's reading of the nominees for Best Song. I miss his James Lipton from SNL but when he said, in his over-annunciated Lipton-whisper, "Sting," I got a small taste of it. If there was any justice at the Academy Awards (and we know there isn't- witness Bill Murray's loss!) these guys would both be big winners next year. Hell, they deserve nominations just for last night's performances. They were the only thing up-stage that wasn't as dead as the facial muscles on Catherine Zeta Jones. (Hi, Catherine. I know you are married to a corpse who's had more face-lifts than he's had children, but with all that Botax you've got- at least I hope it's just Botox- you look less like an Oscar winner and more like a certain Doritos pitchwoman!)
All that said, things look bright for next year's Oscars. Hey at least LOTR can't be nominated. And that is enough for me.
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