AN OPEN LETTER TO BRAVO:
Dear Bravo,
I do love your shows. You turned me onto the West Wing, which I had previously scoffed at. Inside the Actor’s Studio is as fun for its usually charming and lucid guests as it is for its host. (Is anyone else a little disturbed that James Lipton seems less like a real person and more like Will Ferrell’s impersonation of him every time you watch?) And, compared with the rest of basic cable, which harbors an unnatural love for the movies of Steven Segal and Michael Douglas, you generally show some great, unappreciated movies. (I have spent many a night watching Velvet Goldmine and Ordinary People on your channel.)
That said, I would really, really like the half-hour of my life back that I spent watching the beyond-hideous “Making of the Queer Eye Video.” I know, no one forced me to watch and, therefore, I have no one to blame but myself for the three hours that that ridiculous song was stuck in my head. But, in my defense, I was just waiting around in between the Queer Eye Christmas Reunion Special and the second half of a West Wing two-parter.
The flaws with your program are as follows:
Firstly, there was your errant musical choice. After two minutes of watching the making of the video, I could honestly say that things are NOT getting better! I love a good gay club hit as much as the next straight gal and I promise I’m on the dancefloor as soon as I recognize the opening chords of “It’s Raining Men,” but your theme song makes me physically sick during the 30 second opening credits- so, I warn you, prolongued exposure to this piece of dreck, might cause seizures, like Mary Hart’s voice!
Second of all: Jai, in general, is the most worthless and annoying “character” on your show. While Thom is busy turning a house that was covered in smelly gym socks and old porn into a Crate and Barrel catalogue and Kyan is trying to convince some mountain man to use a moisturizer and shave with the grain of the hair, Jai is asking people if they know how to circulate at a party. You know what, ass, if this dude doesn’t know how to talk to people, he’s got bigger problems than his classic mullet! I believe that is what the abundance of commercials for social anxiety disorder medications are for! Now, I thought I couldn’t find Jai more annoying. Until last night. Watching him dance last night; biting his lip like he was in pain, making aggressive “Man Dance” faces, moving his small womanly body like a chorus girl on Ritalin. It was all too much for me to take! The only good thing I have to say about his incredibly unnatural dancing (um, was anyone else kind of grossed out by his grinding with that other female dancer?) was that at least he finally had a part to play in the show!
Third of all: Why must everything be so scripted with this show now? Remember back in season one when the guys weren’t all media savvy and actor-ly? That was charming. That is what lured your viewers in. They were real guys and THAT was cute. Now, they are practicing banter and (badly) reading lines. It is embarrassing. I miss the old Fab Five. They were less TV stars and more like the awesome fashion/design/food/product-savvy real life gay guys that I know. (Um, you’ll notice there were only four descriptors there- again, this is because JAI DOES NOTHING!!)
Now Bravo, please do not take this letter the wrong way. I like Queer Eye. I watch Queer Eye. I have a strange abiding crush on Thom, even though- after years in drama school, I should know better! It’s just that….well, have you learned nothing from MTV? Their huge big hit the Osbournes was the show that spawned a hundred merch opportunities and look where that got them? I’m not suggestion that Ted is going to have a 42 pill a day habit, I’m simply warning you that one more video “spectacular” like you gave me the other night and I might have had my fill of the Fab Five. It’s called over-exposure. Ask Carson, he’ll tell you. Queer Eye will be sooooo last season.
Dear Bravo,
I do love your shows. You turned me onto the West Wing, which I had previously scoffed at. Inside the Actor’s Studio is as fun for its usually charming and lucid guests as it is for its host. (Is anyone else a little disturbed that James Lipton seems less like a real person and more like Will Ferrell’s impersonation of him every time you watch?) And, compared with the rest of basic cable, which harbors an unnatural love for the movies of Steven Segal and Michael Douglas, you generally show some great, unappreciated movies. (I have spent many a night watching Velvet Goldmine and Ordinary People on your channel.)
That said, I would really, really like the half-hour of my life back that I spent watching the beyond-hideous “Making of the Queer Eye Video.” I know, no one forced me to watch and, therefore, I have no one to blame but myself for the three hours that that ridiculous song was stuck in my head. But, in my defense, I was just waiting around in between the Queer Eye Christmas Reunion Special and the second half of a West Wing two-parter.
The flaws with your program are as follows:
Firstly, there was your errant musical choice. After two minutes of watching the making of the video, I could honestly say that things are NOT getting better! I love a good gay club hit as much as the next straight gal and I promise I’m on the dancefloor as soon as I recognize the opening chords of “It’s Raining Men,” but your theme song makes me physically sick during the 30 second opening credits- so, I warn you, prolongued exposure to this piece of dreck, might cause seizures, like Mary Hart’s voice!
Second of all: Jai, in general, is the most worthless and annoying “character” on your show. While Thom is busy turning a house that was covered in smelly gym socks and old porn into a Crate and Barrel catalogue and Kyan is trying to convince some mountain man to use a moisturizer and shave with the grain of the hair, Jai is asking people if they know how to circulate at a party. You know what, ass, if this dude doesn’t know how to talk to people, he’s got bigger problems than his classic mullet! I believe that is what the abundance of commercials for social anxiety disorder medications are for! Now, I thought I couldn’t find Jai more annoying. Until last night. Watching him dance last night; biting his lip like he was in pain, making aggressive “Man Dance” faces, moving his small womanly body like a chorus girl on Ritalin. It was all too much for me to take! The only good thing I have to say about his incredibly unnatural dancing (um, was anyone else kind of grossed out by his grinding with that other female dancer?) was that at least he finally had a part to play in the show!
Third of all: Why must everything be so scripted with this show now? Remember back in season one when the guys weren’t all media savvy and actor-ly? That was charming. That is what lured your viewers in. They were real guys and THAT was cute. Now, they are practicing banter and (badly) reading lines. It is embarrassing. I miss the old Fab Five. They were less TV stars and more like the awesome fashion/design/food/product-savvy real life gay guys that I know. (Um, you’ll notice there were only four descriptors there- again, this is because JAI DOES NOTHING!!)
Now Bravo, please do not take this letter the wrong way. I like Queer Eye. I watch Queer Eye. I have a strange abiding crush on Thom, even though- after years in drama school, I should know better! It’s just that….well, have you learned nothing from MTV? Their huge big hit the Osbournes was the show that spawned a hundred merch opportunities and look where that got them? I’m not suggestion that Ted is going to have a 42 pill a day habit, I’m simply warning you that one more video “spectacular” like you gave me the other night and I might have had my fill of the Fab Five. It’s called over-exposure. Ask Carson, he’ll tell you. Queer Eye will be sooooo last season.
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